So Mother’s Day is about two weeks away – are you ready? If not, I have some tips to help.

Moms Like:

1. Things only they can use. And, being a mom, the only way this can happen is if their name is on it. You can personalize a multitude of things; customize your mom’s tastes!

Custom Stamp, $12 via cupcaketree

Personalized Stationary Set, $25 via SihouetteBlue

Set of 10 recipe cards, $10 via SweetGrassPrints

2. Striking up conversations with strangers. The easiest way for them to do this is discussing their children. These stackable rings are a great way for them to talk the ear off a stranger on a plane ride. 1) Because I’ve seen my grandmother do this and 2) because I’ve been that stranger.

$35 each, online at Zales.

3. Feeling like they are in a spa. Sugar scrubs, balt salts, bath icing – I don’t understand half of it, but if it’s smelly and comes in a jar…they will probably like it.

Mojito Sugar Scrub, $9 via moodygurl

4. Taking bites when no one is looking. Which is half the fun of cooking, anyway.

Baker’s Edge Brownie Pan, $35 via Food Network Store

5. Stuff that holds stuff. Is my mom the only one who owns, like, thirty baskets for no real reason? She has baskets HOLDING BASKETS.

Zip Pouch, $19 via jonesbagco

Well, it appears that I have returned to the Land of the Living.

I don’t get sick often, but apparently when I do I go for the gold. At one point over the weekend Ben commented that he’d never seen me like that, but I wasn’t sure to what he was referring to – the whining, the crying, the “13 Going on 30″ watching. Now that I can think in complete thoughts, I realize that getting sick was just another milestone for our relationship.

Because, let’s face it, it was only a matter of time before I got Ben sick, too. That’s what happens when you drink out of the same cup or use the same toothbrush or kiss despite the fact that I hadn’t even brushed my teeth with his toothbrush all day. We’re – how to do I say this – close.

But at some point you reach a level of closeness you otherwise hadn’t experienced with each other before. Until very recently – and this is impressive since we have lived together for months now – Ben didn’t even know I pooped. In fact, I told him so. I. don’t. poop. I think he almost started to believe me when he only knew of the one time I visited the “internet cafe and business room” in the hotel we stayed at while in Orlando. For a week.

But when you’re sick, modesty goes out the window. Actually, it goes down the toilet. I couldn’t help but laugh in the middle of asking him if he had ever sharted. Not because I had – I PROMISE I DID NOT – but because if we’ve come to that point in our life where we know each other poops, I might as well ask.

So some of you might be very offended by what you’ve just read, and to that I say, Hey, look at this new swimsuit I bought:

Cute, right? under $30 at Target.