Dear Toothbrush Companies,

First, allow me to express my frustrations when it comes to finding gender-specific colors. I have a boyfriend, mkay? And he sleeps over. And in some cultures it means something when you give him a toothbrush. Namely, this one.

Yellow is not a very manly color. Nor is orange. So when we’re in the bathroom together and he asks me which one is his, sometimes I forget. Thank god you’re supporting Breast Cancer Awareness month or I’d never know that the tacky ass pink one was mine.

Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOUR SIZE. I admit, I was like a month to the flame when you started adding plastic bristles and gum scrubbers. But the fat ass handle reminds me of those jumbo remote controls that only fat people who are fused to their couch use. Do you think I am a retard? Do you think I can’t handle a slim brush to maneuver around my mouth? Okay, so maybe I’ve scraped the top of my mouth once or twice due to some furious brushing, but at least that toothbrush could fit in the goddamn toothbrush holder.

So, yeah. I’d appreciate it if you took my concerns into consideration.

Yours,
Meg