Omgaaaaah, The Hills are coming back so soon! And since I have the time and you’re bored, I broke it down for you.

Eetz Paree!

Whitney and Lauren, slack-jawed as usual, listen to their Vogue superior go over their totally made-for-tv-ratings “job.” Isn’t his outfit awesome, though? He looks part Easter Bunny.

Lauren, even in one of the greatest cities in the world, takes time to cry over Brody and typical douchebag dramz. I hate hate hate when girls wear hair bands on their wrist.

But have no fear! The producers set up Lauren finds some foreign dude to take her mind off of things (like, y’know, her job?). He has HPV written all over his nasty overseas fuckable face.

Of course, the only reason I would want to bone him is because of this:

It’s so Roman Holiday! But, y’know, not.

Let’s back this up a sec, though.

Is she drinking sangria? How does her drink match her nails and lipstick?

Okay, back to that scooter ride:

Jacket: WANT. I can haz? okthxbai.

Back in the states, Spencer and Heidi have their own drama:

Apparently they needed to go somewhere, too, and ended up in a James Bond scene.

Let’s not forget the supporting actors friends!

Lo(!!) has a new hair color, woo!

And, of course, Justin Bobby is back and he’s channeling Freddy Krueger/NKOTB. Yawn.

Some things were brought up that I thought I’d never see:

Like Whitney working for this worn-out looking lady. Her office looks so sad in comparison to Vogue.

And Lauren goes to class!

Glasses + Computer = Smart. Duh.

Are Heidi and Audrina becoming friends?!?

My thoughts exactly, LC.

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